You can’t witness pure, unadulterated, innocent joy without some of the sparkle lightening your own load.
It had been a long winter of non-stop nausea, but it wasn’t until the fifth month of chemo that I actually became sick. My white blood cells were depleted, I had a low-grade fever, and the doctors were worried. Most of the night was spent in the emergency ward with an IV drip of antibiotics in my arm and my head in the sink. I was understandably tired that morning when a car pulled in my driveway.
My family knew if they called and asked to visit, I would likely say this wasn’t a good time. They also knew if they showed up unannounced, there would be nothing I could do about it. They arrived from the airport in a rental car with a trunk full of groceries and cleaning supplies.
My two-and-half-year-old niece was a little taken aback. Her auntie was skinny, pale, and bald as a beach ball. She couldn’t stop staring at my shiny head as she slid behind her mother’s leg.
I showed them to the guest room to unpack and her mother asked her what she thought of her auntie’s new look. She leaned forward and in an earnest whisper said, “She needs more hair.”
We settled in the living room with one of her movies on TV. As I watched, I saw her out of the corner of my eye stand up on the sofa and walk towards me. I continued to stare at the screen so as not to interrupt her thoughts. She reached up and gently stroked my hairless scalp. I looked over and smiled. She smiled back and plopped down on the couch beside me. I was her auntie again.
One afternoon we sat on the bed trying on all my hats. She whipped them on and off, flinging them to grab another, thoroughly pleased with herself. Once the giggles started, they could not be stopped. The pure, uninhibited explosions of joy bubbled up and filled the entire house. If she paused, it was only to catch her breath before taking off again, much like a puppy that gets the ‘zoomies’ and spins around the house.
What had seemed like the worst time for a visit, my lowest point during treatment, was clearly the right time for the best medicine.
