When did I know I needed to write it down? How is my story different than any other women who left extinguished marriages with a ton of kids? A friend tells me not everyone goes through these things with strength, humour, and perseverance, and that many just give up. Is that enough to spin a tale around?
I lament not being a ‘real’ writer sometimes. Maybe it’s good enough to be a really good editor? That ignites some kind of fire in my belly, though. Sure, I like making words do a better job on the page, but I have some stories to tell and I’m probably going to tell them.
Last winter, a car I didn’t recognize was parked across from the lake path where I walk. I could see my friend Bern behind the wheel, but something told me she wasn’t there for a happy trudge through the snow. Negotiating the tricky balance between concern and nosiness, I approached the car. Before I could say anything, she blurted out that she and her husband had just separated, and that while the marriage had been in tatters for years, it was finally over and she was devastated. She didn’t know how she was going to do anything, get through the next minute, raise her child, support herself, go it alone, and a raft of every other scary thing.
I had no way of telling her it would probably be okay. That it would be unbearably hard, but also peppered with the sweetest things that only you can hold. I remembered my sister consistently on the other end of the telephone during my rough patches, and the books on my bedside table written by strong women who would tuck me in each night with words of confidence that I could do it again tomorrow.
“Are you reading anything good right now?” I asked her. She likely thought it was the stupidest response to the magnitude of what she had just told me. I may have offered up the name of someone inspiring, but what jelled in that moment was that I needed to be that voice of support on the bedside table. If I’ve come through all this still standing, and with relative success and humour, it’s got to have a greater purpose than merely that all those things happened.
I want to be that person for others.
